David Benedictus

James Carrington

James Carrington was born
In 1894
In a little country cottage.
His birthright he’ld have sold
For a smallish mess of pottage
And indeed when he was old
And was nearly in his dotage
He would rather die of cold
Than waste his wealth on wattage.
James Carrington was born
In a little country cottage.

James Carrington was mated
In 1926
To a widow with a pension
Who was really rather vile
And I think I ought to mention
That for quite a little while
Such a wedding caused attention
And James was seen to smile
When death caused an intervention.
James Carrington was mated
To a widow with a pension.

James Carrington invested
In 1947
In doubtful profiteering.
He sold black market butter
To anyone appearing
To be lying in the gutter.
So he did his pioneering
From behind a bolted shutter;
James Carrington was happy
With his lovely little flutter.

Sir James became Lord Dorking
In 1959
Which was most exhilarating
For Sir James and for the nation,
And I’m not exaggerating
When I add it was the fashion
For young ladies to be waiting  
For Lord Dorking’s admiration
And they were awfly busy stating
That Sir James was now Lord Dorking
And available and single
To a woman with a cleavage
That could generate a tingle.
So they all considered stalking
That desirable Lord Dorking.

Lord Dorking passed away
In 1967
From a surfeit of smoked salmon
At a dinner in the City.
And quite unused to famine
This quasi Walter Mitty
Keeled over in the ham’n
Quails eggs – What a frightful pity!
But to serve both God and Mammon
As I’ve noted in this ditty
You must sacrifice the mammon
(As I mentioned) it’s a pity.
Lord Dorking passed away
At a dinner in the City.